For a long time, being prepared was one of the main ways that I tried to keep myself safe. There was a part of me that believed I would be okay as long as I thought of all the possible outcomes in life, and prepared myself for them. I found great relief in tangible preparation. Having the physical things that I needed (or thought I needed) was soothing.

Decluttering my life, both inside and out, has been quite the jagged journey. Actually, it feels more like peeling an onion. I’m puling away layer after layer, crying most of the time, and nothing seems to come off cleanly.

Accumulation is the norm for a lot of us. We often try to soothe ourselves through what we consume. When I owned certain items or books, I felt that they said something about me. They told the world who I was and what I liked, as if those objects were my credentials.

The tasks of life are not always easy, and often the most important things in our day are the ones we wish we could ignore. We know they are meaningful, but everything already feels so hard. If you ever feel stuck in that place, like I have many times, there is a simple secret to breaking out. It’s so simple, and yet still tricky.

I brought things into my world to heal it, as I had done as a child. It had barely worked for me in the past and it was certainly not working for me in the present. The items I bought to make myself happy felt more like chains that held me underwater than buoys to keep me afloat.