Do the Hard (but Meaningful) Things: The Importance of Creating Habits and Not Giving Up
The tasks of life are not always easy, and often the most important things in our day are the ones we wish we could ignore. We know they are meaningful, but everything already feels so hard. If you ever feel stuck in that place, like I have many times, there is a simple secret to breaking out. It’s so simple, and yet still tricky.
The great news is that it gets so much easier. I can honestly say that after years of practice I now experience way more freedom in doing the hard things. Through consistency I have, over time, created daily habits that stick. And I know you can too! It is within your reach! But before we get unstuck, we have to realize where we are bogged down to begin with.
I came across this old journal entry from a few years ago, and it really made me pause. I was in a hard spot and feeling trapped. I felt like I had the desire to do things around the house but not the ability. I wanted to want to, but I didn’t have the habits in place. Of course, that wasn’t the whole truth. In reality, I was waiting to feel in the mood to do hard things and the mood wasn’t going to come. I was making decisions based on my feelings, which pretty much never works out.
I really fell into the trap that so many of us get caught in — waiting to feel like it. What I realized, and actually already knew in my head but wasn’t living out, was that I needed to act first. The feelings would come later. And if for some reason they didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. The habit would already be there to carry me through. I would do the hard things because I had the proof that I could and the experience of how meaningful it would be. I’ll let me past self explain, and maybe you can identify with what I experienced:
“Over the last few months I have found it harder than usual to do the things I need to — finishing paperwork and notes, doing the dishes, taking my 3 year old son for walks. I am still taking care of the adult pieces of my life (building my business, going to work, caring for my son and playing with him) but in a diminished capacity that lacks the joy and fulfillment I want. I’ve been under heavy personal stress that has taken its toll on my family, and while I’ve been trying to hold my experience lightly, staying aware of how it affects me, there are many difficult moments.
About a month ago I saw dishes piling up in the sink, and I was aware (as always) that it bothered me. I value being clean and taking care of what I own. But at that moment, it felt easier to play Zelda than clean, and that was all I wanted to do. I had passed the kitchen on other days and let it go, opting for something that seemed easy or fun. But it never felt right, leaving me unsatisfied and sometimes more depleted than before.
I knew avoidance wasn’t actually easier. Yes, it allowed me to skip out on a chore, but it didn’t leave me feeling fulfilled or energized. I always felt worse, and even Breath of the Wild lost its luster when my own wilderness was growing up around me.
So in that moment, aware that I wanted to play Zelda but needed to do the dishes, I chose the dishes. I fell into the rhythm of soaping and rinsing, and soon felt a sort of zen mode kick in. I let my mind wander, plan, and question. The dishes were over before I knew it and it felt really good. I did the hard thing and accomplished something meaningful. I felt like I was taking care of my family. And I was building up a habit.
I was also reminded of the reflective nature of chores, enjoying the same mental space that I often get when driving, showering, or taking a walk. Not only that, but I felt energized and proud of myself. Suddenly I was bursting with the desire to clean and organize everything! And I felt confident in my ability to do so.
By the end of the day I had a much tidier house and bags filled with items for donation. I was happy and filled with life because I took care of things. My house was still cluttered and probably didn’t look different to anyone but me, but that wasn’t the point.
I had done the harder thing, which turned out to not be that hard at all.
Doing one hard but meaningful task unlocked the doors to other tasks and released the useful energy inside me that I couldn’t have found a few hours before. And as a bonus, my day didn’t fly by in a meaningless blur. I had often spent hours doing something mindless that I was not truly connected with, looking up to find hours had flown by and I didn’t feel any more rested or content. I felt like my day was gone, and I had missed it. Instead, this day felt like it stretched out its hands to me, and showed me just how much I could do with the time I had.
The next day, I went on a walk with my son. Instead of playing inside where it was warm and easy, I said yes when he asked to go for a bike ride (which means me pushing him on his tricycle that still has the adult handle on it). We got out his little bike and bundled up to face the crisp day.
As soon as we reached our condo parking lot he was filled with stories about the world around him. A pile of gravel became a volcano with an ash pit for finding treasure in. He searched carefully for special rocks and placed them delicately on the curb between the splotches of moss. We listened for dinosaurs and hunted for bad guys. So many adventures in such a tiny person, and I felt transported. We spent hours outside, talking and exploring. The next day, we did it again.
Being outside with him was energizing and magical, and I noticed parts of our neighborhood, even our parking lot, that I had never seen before and certainly hadn’t appreciated. What hits me is the fact that I have gone with him on many, many walks.
Nothing about the scenery was new, but when I just let myself be with him and not think about what was next or what I left behind, I was gifted with something new and inspired by it.
These experiences rekindled what I already knew but had lost sight of in my sadness and stress. The whole time, I knew what I needed in order to help myself and move through the difficult times, but I chose not to see it or not to act on it. I chose to avoid it and make excuses, despite the part of me that knew I was making unhelpful choices.
I needed the first breakthrough step — the hard, meaningful task that could break me out of the stuckness.
I don’t tell you this because I think my experience is a revelation. I’m sharing it because I think it is what we all know but cannot always see. I tell you this because I need to tell myself, again and again. For the last month I have been telling myself, and more often than not I’ve been choosing the road that seems harder.
Then, when the dishes are done or my admin work is finished, when my son is asleep after a day of playing, I can do the fun things that I love without reservation. I can explore my interests with a full heart, giving my whole self to my passions and feeling filled in return.”
Reading this again, I remember exactly how it felt. I am still grateful for the lessons of my past self and often share them with my clients. And I have good news! Four years later, my habits are still going strong! Even on the days when I am tired or having a harder time, I have built a habit that lasts and carries me through.
Through experience I have proven to myself that doing the hard but meaningful stuff is worth it. I never regret it and still enjoy the benefits of a day that is turned around through a few simple, meaningful actions.
Have you had a similar experience? Do you have any insights to share with us? Let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear from you!
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Disclaimer: This is a blog, which contains a mixture of my current knowledge and opinions. The information is accurate to the best of my knowledge but may contain omission, errors, or mistakes. I am a psychologist licensed to practice in the state of Washington, but this article does not create a psychologist-client relationship. I am providing psychological information and my own opinions for informational purposes only, and anything I present should not be seen as psychological, emotional, or medical advice or treatment. You should consult with a mental health professional or your primary care physician before you rely on this information or take any action. I reserve the right to change how I manage or run my blog and may change the focus or content at any time.