3 Steps for Trusting God When You’re Afraid: Pregnancy and Prayer
As I write this I am nearing the end of my pregnancy, with a stubborn little girl comfily lying transverse and refusing to go head down. Any mother reading this may understand what this means — to have a breech or transverse baby, and the possible stresses.
I plan to have a home birth and am working with a wonderful midwife, but certain logistical issues mean it isn’t wise for me to attempt delivering a breech baby at home. If the baby stays completely transverse, then a c-section is the only option.
For the last month and a half I have been attempting to open up space in my uterus for my little one and help guide her into the right position. Walking more, stretching more, trying to align my body, hanging out upside down, etc. All things proven to work for other women but that have not yet worked for me.
On top of that, previous pregnancy injuries to my lower back and pelvic floor, combined with chronic pain and sciatica, mean that I am constantly needing to balance how far I push my body before pain forces me to stop. On the days when I get the balance wrong, I pay a high price — excruciating pain that often leaves me immobile. I feel a sense of urgency as the pregnancy progresses, and some tension in the back of my mind.
Last year around this time I was also pregnant, but lost the baby in a traumatic, very heartbreaking miscarriage in early December. I ended up in the emergency room due to extreme blood loss — physically alone due to Covid, but not alone due to the very real presence of God throughout the entire experience.
In both pregnancies I have prayed for my baby, my body, and the will of God. Having surrendered my life to Him, I trust that His will is always accomplished. I often think of Psalm 34:7 which says “The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and delivers them” and Matthew 10:29 telling us that not even a sparrow falls to the ground apart from God’s will. I love and submit to God and am called according to His purpose. So I trust that nothing will happen to me without His permission, and that He will work everything for good (Rom 8:28).
Even the struggles. Especially the sufferings.
In this pregnancy, as in the last, I have prayed for God’s protection and that if it is His will, He would grant us a smooth delivery with no complications. I have also been praying that He would increase my faith and dependence on Him, so that I would strive less to get things done in my own strength and planning and truly know what it means to rely on Him. This is easier said than done and takes daily engagement, intention, and reminding!
In each potential stress that comes my way, I am learning to see the refining fire of God. The test, if you will, to help this student recognize where she still needs to work before going forward. This moving baby business could be a stress that I take on entirely by myself. My baby, my body, my actions.
Or, it could be a sacrifice to my Lord. As both a servant and child of God, I am submitted to His will and completely dependent on Him, yet given an honored position of dominion over this earth and my earthly body. In that space, I believe that I have a responsibility to do these stretches and maneuvers faithfully and prayerfully, to follow the medical guidance of my midwife, and to trust in the sovereignty and love of God.
With every stretch I say a silent prayer: “God, please turn this baby to the position she needs to be in. Yet no matter what, I want only Your will. I trust you.” With every kick I feel and every temptation to imagine either hopefully that she has moved or fretfully that she is in the same place, I say “I trust you Lord. Please move this baby. Yet not my will but Yours be done. We are in your hands and you know what is best for us. I trust you.” I am now learning to add “Please give me wisdom, Lord, to know when to move my body and when to stop. Humble me so I can listen and obey.” I repeat these prayers many times a day, and am more settled every time I do.
This is not about a feeling but about faith. About strengthening my resolve to trust God and not give place to anxious thoughts about c-sections, medical bills, emergency room trips, and so on. My mind can easily start to do the math, worry if I have made the right decisions so far, and wonder what I should do. But actually, I already know what to do: Pray, surrender, and focus on God.
1 - Pray
It starts with prayer. Those small prayers I say many times a day and the longer time I spend in prayer, not just for myself but for the whole body of Christ and all those that I love. God knows what we want and need, and the Spirit himself makes intercession for us (Rom 8:26). However, God has tasked us with prayer by giving us the honor of activating His will on earth as it is in Heaven (Mt 6:10). As our Father who loves us, He wants our direct connection with Him (Jn 16:26-27). In prayer, I am reminded of God’s goodness as well as the deep struggles of others across the world, which put my own into perspective. My suffering is no less important, but I am reminded of the truth that I am not alone in feeling pain and what I am going through is certainly not as difficult as it could be. I am also reminded of my dependence on God for even my daily needs, not to mention the larger matters.
James 5:13 tells us clearly to engage in prayer: “Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray.” I think it was Tim Keller who said “suffering comes for all of us,” and that is true. Some of us appear to have it in greater measure, but perhaps that is in line with our faith and strength in God (a subject for another time). For now, I think it is enough to recognize suffering is universal, using Elisabeth Elliot’s definition of suffering as “having what you don’t want or wanting what you don’t have” (Suffering is Never for Nothing). So when we notice a misalignment between what we want and have, we should pray. And yet, it seems there are ways to pray that align with God and ways that do not. James tells us that we have not because we ask not, and even when we ask it is often to fulfill our own selfish desires (Js 4:2-3). I think this is important, and for me it leads back to the need to submit my will to God and recognize that prayer is not a magic spell or a guarantee of getting what I want. It is so much deeper than that. Prayer is submission of my will, mixed with deep love and awe for God, and humility that recognizes my helplessness. I am like a small child asking to be picked up and fed, totally at the mercy of the parent standing above me. Thankfully that parent looks on me with love. I pray, knowing that my Heavenly Father wants me to be an active participant with Him, to engage His will in my life. He wants me to come boldly to His throne and receive help when I need it, knowing that I have Jesus as my High Priest who understands my weakness and is moved with compassion (Heb 4:14-16).
2 - Surrender
Next I surrender any unhelpful thoughts and feelings to God. They are my sacrifice, my act of worship. I gladly admit dependence on God, not on myself. “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps” (Prov 16:9). I focus on what I know is true — God sees me and hears me. He loves me and my baby. He knows what is best, even if that includes struggles and pain and bills; those are not things that trouble Him but they are certainly things that could increase my faith in His provision and break apart my reliance on saving and planning for myself. Since I am in a right relationship with God, I can trust that nothing happens without His permission, and since His will is perfect and working for my own good, I can have peace (Rom 8:28). Peace in the pain.
Surrendering the thoughts and feelings that do not align with Biblical teaching can mean anything from resisting the urge to check my bank account too many times to stopping the part of me that wants to plan for every contingency “just to be sure.” Typically these are sacrifices I make again and again. There are many things outside of my control, and every time I spend thoughts and feelings on them I am spending up my energy and usefulness in the moment, sending it into the future where it can do no good (Mt 6:27). I’m left dry and defeated, often agitated and restless, certainly not pleasant to be around. Yet when I tell God “I surrender these thoughts and feelings to You. I sacrifice them to Your will. Take them; make what You want from them” I am left with more space to fill with Truth and peace, more energy for the moment, and the relief of recognizing and shifting away from the traps in my heart and mind. You’ll notice that prayer is here again. This is not a step by step formula, where prayer stops and surrendering begins. It is a fluid process, with prayer central and flowing through all of it.
3 - Focus on God
Lastly, I must focus on God. I pray and surrender often throughout the day to keep my focus on truth and my heart set on peace. I must be especially diligent when my mind starts to run away from me toward anxious thoughts that are not helpful. Paul told us to “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:6-8). I take that very seriously, along with the words of Jesus telling us clearly not to worry about the body, money, what we will eat and wear, for our Father knows what we need and will provide it as we first and above all seek His kingdom and righteousness (Mt 6:25-34).
We are to keep our hearts and minds focused on what matters, knowing that everything else will be added as needed. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (Mt 6:34). I focus on the Word and promises of God. If I feel uncertain what His promises to me are, I look them up. A Bible and a concordance can go a long way. Once I am certain what God wills from me, and what I can rely on, then I hold fast to that and keep it in my mind. That is my meditation and my peaceful assurance. Again, this is not a feeling I am relying on. I do not wait until peace is all I feel. It truly is the peace that passes understanding — that goes beyond what I could strive to make for myself. This peace from God is more like a tether or root system in the storm. I do not stop feeling the storm; I do not pretend the storm is not there or wait until it passes. In the midst of the wind and rain, I know that I am held by power stronger than myself, reaching deeper than I alone can go. My job is to trust in that; to remember that I do not have to struggle. This is a difficult job, but one that God gives me the will and power to do, and the tools of prayer and faith to do it with (Phil 2:13).
Pray, surrender, focus, repeat.
Feelings of worry, regret, and overwhelm are natural human responses. They are not a problem in and of themselves, and at times they have good information for us that something is wrong. The problem lies in our response to those emotions and how much power we give them. Feelings are not ultimate truth. They do not have the whole story and neither do our anxious thoughts. So when I allow them to be the loudest voices in my mind and body, spinning unhelpful webs that go ‘round and ‘round until my stomach is sick, then they are competing with the Truth that stands firm whether I feel it or not. To be clear, my faith that God is in control — and that as His child nothing can happen to me without His permission — is both comforting and terrifying. It is a hard truth. It means I’m not guaranteed to get things my way, because what I think is best for me might not actually be best. It means not taking things into my own hands, resisting the urge to worry myself into a solution, and taking a hard look at the pride and fear in my heart that prevents me from surrendering my will to His. Anyone who believes that following Christ is an easy, feel-good road has never truly decided to submit to God. Never challenged themselves to take a hard look in the mirror of the Word. Never set their heart on the pilgrimage of obedience. That might sound harsh, but I think it is true and I invite you to look with openness at your own experience. I’ve had to do the same, more than once, and recognize with a repentant heart that I was not diligently on my King’s road. I wanted the soft grass on the other side and did not even realize the consequences. Yet God in His mercy called me back, with that firm kindness that leads to repentance.
For those of us on the narrow road, we know the value of prayer, surrender, and focus on the source of Truth ultimately greater than ourselves. The road does not get wider or smoother, but we can know peace anyway. We know whom we follow and judge Him to be faithful. Hebrews 11 has a lot to say to us about the actual road of a pilgrim and the true substance of faith (we cannot get into that here, but the chapter is worth reading again with fresh eyes).
Having learned the lesson more than once, I am grateful that I can face this new challenge with my heart set on a Will that is higher than mine. It can still be hard, because a part of me still wants things to go a certain way. Those are the things I surrender, thankful to have more to offer God. And through the challenges, I gain so much. When I discipline my heart and mind through prayer, surrender, and focus on God through His word, I find greater strength developing. I have deeper roots. My mind and heart are being trained and strengthened, so that the next time I find myself surrendering sooner and my heart grounded more firmly in my faith.
God is faithful and helps me to build on the previous lesson as long as I am willing to be taught. It is a painful, curving road, but God is with us pilgrims, giving help and hints along the way. Let us pray, let us surrender, and let us remember the ultimate focus of our attention — the God of glory, mercy, and compassion. Amen.
Disclaimer: This is a blog, which contains a mixture of my current knowledge and opinions. The information is accurate to the best of my knowledge but may contain omission, errors, or mistakes. I am a psychologist licensed to practice in the state of Washington, but this article does not create a psychologist-client relationship. I am providing psychological information and my own opinions for informational purposes only, and anything I present should not be seen as psychological, emotional, or medical advice or treatment. You should consult with a mental health professional or your primary care physician before you rely on this information or take any action. I reserve the right to change how I manage or run my blog and may change the focus or content at any time.